How to regain power when you have been hurt

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How many women have gone through an experience where we have been violated or hurt by a man? TOO MANY!!!! This is such a common occurrence, I would be hard pressed to think of a woman I know that HASN’T gone through something like this.

And while there are many, many things that keep this paradigm alive, there is one thing that I want to focus on today, because it is in my opinion

the one thing that we as individual women in this situation have the absolute power to change.

And that is - how we relate to our emotions. The feelings of shame, insecurity, anxiety, and sorrow that overwhelm us when we have been hurt or violated.

The messages we are given in our culture is that these feelings are “bad” and that there is something “wrong” with us for feeling them.

How often do we hear the stereotype of the “crazy female”? The girl who “can’t hold it together”? The woman who is “too emotional”? These cultural norms are preventing us from tapping into our true power in this situation, which is the power to FEEL what’s ok and what’s not ok for us. 

But the great thing is that we as individuals CAN flip this paradigm on its head and change the world. Really, we can.

We don’t have to be victims any more. 

And here’s how YOU can get started right now:

1 - LET YOURSELF FEEL. Take 5 minutes to simply reflect on what is going on in your emotional world - this simple act of noticing yourself and your pain will already start the healing process.

2 - Do something to take care of your feelings. When you notice you are feeling upset/overwhelmed/anxious, take a breath and DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF! It can be something simple like taking a break, saying a kind work to yourself, or going for a walk - anything that signals to yourself that you and your feelings matter.

3 - TELL SOMEONE how you feel. We are SO silenced in the realm of feelings, but this only keeps us MORE stuck because the layer of shame grows the longer we remain silent about how we truly feel. As soon as you say it out loud to someone who cares and can empathise, all of a sudden you realise you’re not alone and your feelings are NOT crazy!

4 - SET A BOUNDARY. Based on how you feel in this situation, ask yourself what needs to change in your life so that you are protected. Do you need to say something to someone who hurt you? Do you need to stay away from them? Do you need more support? The act of protecting yourself will automatically flip the way you are seeing yourself from being a victim to an empowered change agent in your life.

Repeat these steps as many times as you can, and not only are you helping yourself, you are also being an incredible role model for others, showing them how to find their power too. And this is how we as individuals can absolutely change the way the whole world operates!

If you want to hear an inspiring story of a teenager who bravely shows the true power of this approach, check it out on my Youtube channel here.

Hayley Watsonarticles