Returning

There is something so profoundly confronting and therapeutic about coming back to a place I had left behind. Leaving has always been an escape for me. An attempt to avoid the depth of feeling that creeps up on me when I invest “too much” of myself somewhere. 

I haven’t known how to cope with all of these feelings, all of this connection. After a while it becomes too much too bear. And so  I run. Because that’s what I know how to do...

But do I have the courage to return with my whole heart? To face these parts of me I have become so good at hiding from with newness and adventure and endless ‘fresh starts’? It’s amazing how raw this feels...I wonder what I will unearth inside of me as I accept that the greatest adventure I can take is the one inside of myself? 

And here it is. Here’s the moment I’ve been terrified of my whole life. The moment when it dawns on me how wrong I have been all these years! Feeling this delicate all-encompassing rawness of human emotion won’t kill me - actually, these are the moments when I am most truly and ecstatically alive ❤️

Hayley Watsonmusings