I Don't Want To Be A Victim Anymore


If you’ve been following along, you now know all about how we give our power away. How we can feel like a victim to our circumstances and add a whole layer of negativity on top of already hard circumstances, making them even worse for ourselves. What I want to talk about today is how do we change that? Can we decide to STOP being a victim if something awful is happening to us? Is that even possible?

YES!! We most definitely can. It’s not easy, but it’s actually relatively simple.

Basically when we’re sucked into the drama of being a victim, we’re totally stuck. We have no power, our situation never changes, and we feel awful about it. BUT if we make some big choices and do some really hard things, we can actually flip our experience upside down and put ourselves in a position of total empowerment, regardless of the situation we find ourselves in.

The way we do this is relatively straightforward. Instead of seeing ourselves as a victim, we see ourselves as a creator - someone who is capable of rising above this situation, someone who has strength we don’t yet realise, someone who is unique and heroic and who will turn this situation on its head no matter what anyone else says or does or thinks. We can be that person!

What helps is if we start finding places we feel good in and people we feel good being around. Experiences where we can have mastery - no matter how small or insignificant they may seem. If we’re good at drawing or cleaning or dancing - we can do those things! The more we experience a different feeling than the one of being victimised, the more strength we have to draw on when hard things are happening.

Remember - you are more than this experience! So find the things that can remind you of this and you will begin to see yourself in a different light.

Once we can imagine that for ourselves, we can start to see the perpetrator - the hard situation, the bully, the aggressor - as simply a CHALLENGE. An obstacle in our life to be overcome and moved through, nothing more.

Not something that will keep us down, not someone who controls us, not an experience that means anything about who we are as a person.  Simply a challenge, not a crushing defeat.

Once we start seeing things this way, then we can begin to find ways that we can learn and grow as a person through this experience. We can start to call on our inner resources and figure out what we are going to gain from this experience. How am I going to be stronger for having been through this? How is this going to help me see what I don’t want in my life in the future? How is this going to help me understand myself and others better? How might this experience be useful in my life?

These can be a REALLY hard questions to get our heads around when we are right in the middle of an awful situation. And we might not have any answers…but that’s ok! Simply by asking the questions we are changing our perspective, and we are already moving out of a position of victim, making room for our inner creator to emerge.

And the final piece of the puzzle is that instead of looking for someone or something else to save us or rescue us from our situation, we want to look for people to coach us. People who can give guidance and support and remind us how amazing we are. People who can offer suggestions. It is SO hard to see another way out when we are being victimised, when we are hurting and feeling overwhelmed, lost and hopeless.

Getting the perspective of someone else who we know has our best interests at heart, who can provide us with positive reinforcement and remind us how strong we are is a vital part of shifting things for ourselves.

Once we do these things, once we have begun to see ourselves as the hero of our own story, once we are viewing the situation as a challenge to be overcome, and have reached out for support from someone who can remind us of our greatness…then we are on our way!

We can’t control the outcome of what happens, we can’t know when or how things are going to change for us. But if we take these steps and stop seeing ourselves as a victim, then the possibilities of what we can do about our situation open up. All of a sudden we might notice where a boundary needs to be set. We might realise that we don’t need to hang out with someone who is unkind, that we have a friend who is truly loyal that we have forgotten about, or that we don’t need to change who we are just because some people don’t like it.

These are the things that can occur to a mind that is not trapped in a story of drama and blame. Because when we are free from this mental prison, we are calm and grounded and our mind can actually function to its full capacity, rather than being stuck in narrow-minded survival mode with no way out.

I’m going to get more into the specifics of what to do if you’re being bullied in future posts, but for now the important thing to take away from this is that if people are being mean to you or treating you badly, it does NOT say anything about who you are, and if you can find a way to see it as a challenge rather than as something that defines you, if you can look for people who can support you and guide you thorough it, and if you can find your own strength in it - the things that you are good at, the people you feel good around, and the experiences that you enjoy - this awful thing you are going through can actually become an incredible opportunity for growth.

Focusing on becoming a creator, becoming the best version of yourself possible, and using all of the hard things that happen to you as fuel to make you more of who you want to be…isn’t that so much sweeter than revenge?? Than being stuck feeling like a victim? Than being angry and miserable and thinking you’re a loser??

Want to see more? Check out the incredible story of an inspirational young model/writer who transformed bullying into personal power here.

Ondine Purinton-Millerarticles